We were taught at a very early age that “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” I’m sure our parents meant well, but let’s face it…they lied. Words have a lot of power. To hurt. To heal. To inform. To deceive. To entertain. As a writer, I appreciate that words can do those things and more.
As a human being, my feelings got hurt this morning when a jerk wrote the following about a one-page excerpt from one of my novels:
If more than three people in the world buy this load of catflap, I'll eat my laptop.
The comment was posted at Page99Test.com, a site where authors post page 99 of their works in progress so that readers can vote whether they’d turn the page or not. There is a comments section…which is where I found the catflap nonsense.
The interesting thing is that I also received this comment:
The situation is instantly gripping and many details (the room smells of mold and cigarettes -- what a combo!) ignite on the page. This could be a John Grisham thriller. Good work.
The hurt I felt this morning passed quickly. And the pride about the second comment passed just as quickly. Why? Because how I feel about my writing – about myself – comes from within myself. Too often we base our self-esteem on how others view us – or how we want them to view us (rich, thin, sexy, smart, professional, talented).
Readers, what do you think? What makes you feel good about yourself despite what others might say?
I think it's easier for people to be critical when they have an anonymous environment like the web to do it in. The negative comment you received didn't even offer any constructive criticism- ie. a reason WHY the person thinks noone will read your "catflap." So, for me, it was a nothing comment. The positive comment on the other hand gives specific reasons why they enjoyed your excerpt. I also believe you are spot on about words being way more hurtful than sticks and stones.
ReplyDeleteEver since I recently read the following quotes, I've been thinking a lot about "basing our self-esteem on how others view us."
ReplyDeleteFirst, John Piper, introducing the following G. K. Chesterton quote in _When I Don't Desire God_ said, "A person who is becoming morbid over fears and preoccupations about what others think of him needs the liberation from the illusion that anyone gives a hoot!"
And G. K. Chesterton said:
How much happier you would be if only you knew that these people cared nothing about you! How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure...; if you could see them walking as they are in their sunny selfishness and their virile indifference! You would begin to be interested in them because they were not interested in you. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.
I know that this might not directly pertain to your question about feeling good about yourself despite what others might say, but it immediately came to mind.
Sorry this is so long.... :-)
I have to add to the list of great quotes with this one from Don DeLillo's "White Noise":
ReplyDelete"How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for awhile? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it that no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise."
I am currently struggling with this idea with a group of 6th grade boys. People (kids especially) can be so mean. The bigger part of me knows that what the bully says in the hallway (or page99test) is ridiculous. These kiddos are fabulous, and so is your writing Mandy. But comments do cut deep, and unfortunately can start to carve trenches in our self esteem that can take a life time to recover from, if we ever do.
ReplyDeleteI think learning who we are, what our true self is and being able to see your own light is huge. When that fails we need to look to our "people". Those who know us best and have seen us through successes and failures, and love us despite of and because of it all. This is where the real magic happens. Taking on the more positive perspective vs. a misguided and unconstructive comment. Staying with the love. Leaning on our friends.
Great post, and great website. Thanks for the information! Research help
ReplyDeleteThis article gives the light in which we can observe the reality. This is very nice one and gives indepth information. Thanks for this nice article. Best PhD Proposal Writing Service
ReplyDeleteI am happy to find this post very useful for me, as it contains lot of information. I always prefer to read the quality content and this thing I found in you post. Thanks for sharing. Coursework Help
ReplyDeleteI found your this post while searching for information about blog-related research ... It's a good post .. keep posting and updating information. research paperwriting services
ReplyDeleteMy Essay Writer is the go-to source for the completion of academic assignments. If you are screaming out “write my essay,” you’ve come to the most elite essay writing service
ReplyDeleteThere's no doubt i would fully rate it after i read what is the idea about this article. You did a nice job.. international finance assignment help
ReplyDeleteI am very happy to discover your post as it will become on top in my collection of favorite blogs to visit. Best Dissertation Writing Service Reviews
ReplyDeleteAwesome article! I want people to know just how good this information is in your article. It’s interesting, compelling content. Your views are much like my own concerning this subject. best assignment help uk
ReplyDeleteNice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful information specially the last part I care for such info a lot. I was seeking this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck. thesis writing
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving valuable information and this post is very useful for me. Keep adding more posts...
ReplyDeleteSpark Training in Chennai
Spark Training
Pega Training in Chennai
Primavera Training in Chennai
Unix Training in Chennai
Linux Training in Chennai
Social Media Marketing Courses in Chennai
Job Openings in Chennai
Placement in Chennai
Spark Training in Adyar
This blog gives more attractive information.i am really impressed with this blog.
ReplyDeleteAWS Training in Chennai
AWS Training in Bangalore
AWS Training in Coimbatore
AWS Training in Hyderabad
Devops Training in Bangalore
DOT NET Training in Bangalore
Amazon web services Training in Chennai
AWS Certification Training in Bangalore
Amazon Web Services Training in Coimbatore
AWS Training Institutes in Hyderabad
I really like the dear information you offer in your articles. I’m able to bookmark your site and show the kids check out up here generally. Im fairly positive theyre likely to be informed a great deal of new stuff here than anyone
ReplyDeleteDot Net Training in Chennai | Dot Net Training in anna nagar | Dot Net Training in omr | Dot Net Training in porur | Dot Net Training in tambaram | Dot Net Training in velachery
Ducat digital marketing training institute in noida as per the current industry standards. Our training programs will enable professionals to secure placements in MNCs. We are providing our world-class training facilities for all the students who want to become professional.
ReplyDeleteethical hacking training in noida
Learned a lot of new things in this post. This post gives a piece of excellent information…
ReplyDeleteDevOps Training in Hyderabad
Перечень операций, направленных на предвидение будущего, называют гадание. Гадание Таро на ситуацию - это простой вариант узнать судьбу с употреблением всяких объектов и средств. Мистические силы и конкретные обстоятельства ворожения деятелями науки не обоснованы, однако многие люди доверяют такому.
ReplyDeleteslot siteleri
ReplyDeletekralbet
betpark
tipobet
betmatik
kibris bahis siteleri
poker siteleri
bonus veren siteler
mobil ödeme bahis
YW07
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالجبيل rAEE203THj
ReplyDelete