My niece had a cuddly toy bear she named Chubby. It was one of those soft toys made out of terry cloth. After years of loving, Chubby was worse for the wear. My sister, an excellent seamstress, fashioned a new body out of a cotton, waffle-weave baby blanket. When that “body” wore out, she sewed still another body and then another body until the baby blanket was no more.Today, my niece is 18 and away at college, but Chubby is still stationed on her childhood bed back at home. There’s no other way to put this: Chubby is disgusting. He’s dirty, his stuffing is falling out, there’s very little left of him. But my niece will not part with him.
What is it about humans that makes us cling to things that are comforting even when it *might* be time to give them up? An old sweatshirt from college, a chipped coffee mug, our VHS tapes?
We do this with our actions and emotions as well. For those of you familiar with astrology, you might remember that the Moon’s South Node in your chart represents habit patterns from childhood or from past lives; those experiences and qualities that come naturally to us, that are over-developed, and that we tend to fall back on. The North Node represents the kinds of experiences that we must work to develop in order to work with our karma, and to grow spiritually. If we over-emphasize and fall back on the qualities of our South Node, at the expense of developing our North Node, we may have a difficult time feeling personally successful.
I have quite a few “safety blankets” that I cling to as desperately as my niece clings to Chubby. Lately however, I find myself gravitating more and more toward my North Node, the life I truly want to lead – even if the transition is scary and unknown.
Thoughts? What’s your North Node calling you to be?
Thanks for the topic, Mandy. I'm participating in Leadership La Plata this year, and it has already taken me out of my comfort zone. And it's awesome. One of the trickiest parts for me is dealing with success... after a lifetime of striving for certain comforts, I'm beginning to achieve what I've sought for so long... only to grapple with new issues... "Do I really DESERVE to be this happy?" "Is the other shoe about to drop?" "Am I about to go over the edge of the cliff?"
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I do realize that these issues ARE worth grappling with... as opposed to simply engaging in self-sabotage in order to ensure that I'm not "too" happy, or comfortable.
Safety blankets: In my life, I have collected a bunch of "stuff" and then gotten rid of it all, probably a total of 3 or 4 times. So I guess I'm doing pretty good with letting stuff go. However, I DO still have my KISS/Peter Criss belt buckle from 1980. And I may have an unhealthy attachment to my guitar and amplifier. It's going to hurt when it comes time to let them go.
Some days are so much harder than others to head in the direction of my North Node. Yesterday was one of those harder days. Even though I rose early for photography, I spent the greater part of the day feeling stuck and as though I was wasting time. Today, I did things I've been resisting but needed to be done. This evening I feel more satisfied with myself and my life. As long as I indulge my procrastinator self, I'm going to feel lesser.
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