Embracing (Not Erasing) Regrets and Mistakes

As I mentioned in my last post, I enjoy reading young adult fiction. The storylines hold my interest and the characters are often dynamic, flawed and interesting. The books/series I’ve read have cross-over appeal, attracting readers in their 30s, 40s and beyond. (My book club read The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson; it was one of our favorite books that year.)

 

Here’s my admission: as an adult reader of young adult fiction, I sometimes judge the characters for their decisions and feelings. (And mind you, I don’t have children of my own so this isn’t a maternal thing.)

 

• “What?! Can’t you see X loves you? Don’t go out with that other guy!”
• “That’s dangerous! Why wouldn’t you tell X or Y so they could help?!”

 

Those protagonists are making decisions that a 14- to 18-year-old would make. They don’t have three decades of ‘learning’ from mistakes to inform those decisions.

 

As a writer of young adult fiction, I have to keep those protective (judgmental) feelings in check. Arlie, the protag in my YA suspense novel, makes missteps, puts herself in danger (more than once), doesn’t read the feelings of others’ accurately, feels she’s alone in the world. And that’s as it should be.

 

Here’s another admission: I wrote in journals faithfully from middle school into adulthood. I captured on paper some MAJOR errors in judgment. About 15 years ago, I went back and reread journals from my high school years. Adult Mandy was appalled at teen Mandy’s feelings for a guy who turned out to be a pretty BIG mistake. And adult Mandy destroyed two of those journals – as if she could erase feelings and actions that easily.

 

See? Adults make major mistakes, too. And I learned from that doozy. Those very real fears, regrets, hopes and dreams make me a better writer of YA fiction. They are to be embraced, not erased.

The Trap of Instant Gratification

Just saw this on Twitter: Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.

For those of you who stream and watch TV series on Netflix, you know how addictive it can be and how easy it is to convince yourself to watch just one more episode.

I’ve experienced something similar with young adult novel series. I read one book…then have to know what happens to the characters. I download the next book from Kindle (immediately) and read non-stop. Then I’m hooked and ready to read the next book. Then… WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE THIRD BOOK ISN’T OUT YET?!

The whole YA series phenomena puzzled me at first. Why weren’t writers writing one great book and moving on to new characters and new places?  It took reading a few series to understand that I cared about these well-written, dynamic characters and wanted to tag along for more of their journeys (just as I cared about television characters enough to watch 11 episodes of Downton Abbey one Saturday – but that’s another story).

Katniss (Hunger Games) and Tris (Divergent) and Allie (Night School) and Lyda (Pure) and Alex (Ashes) and Evie (Paranormalcy) and Lena (Beautiful Creatures) and other teen heroines have dominated my Kindle and bookshelf for some time although my reading tastes are usually darker and more literary (George Saunders, Donald Ray Pollock).

The publishing industry has found a cash cow in successful YA series and the brand loyalty they generate among readers. This is not a bad thing. After all, I’ve enjoyed these series and eagerly await the next installments in some.

 

But I'm left wondering where the stand-alone YA title fits in?  Will readers of young adult fiction go for well-crafted stories like The Sky is Everywhere (Jandy Nelson) and The Mockingbirds (Daisy Whitney) or have they (we) been trained to expect more? Fodder for another blog.

Rejection! Attack of the Evil Brain!

When I was a kid I thought the summers flew by too quickly. That’s nothing to how I feel as an adult! With business trips, a week being sick, family visiting and numerous writing projects (on top of a busy day job), June disappeared before I could even say hello.

So, “Hello, July, won’t you stick around a while?”

As a “yet to be published” author, rejection is on my mind quite a bit — especially now that six agents are reading one of my manuscripts and three agents are reading another.  Logic tells me that all nine will NOT email with offers of representation. Rejection is a guarantee, in some form or another.

With that theme in mind, I want to share an article from Psychology Today that explores 10 ways that rejections affect us psychologically. (Read the article.)

These three are particularly troubling:

1. Rejection created surges of anger and aggression.
2. Rejection sends on a mission to seek and destroy our self-esteem.
3. Rejection does not respond to reason.

Whoa. The article convinced me that all types of artists need tender loving care as they put their art in the public domain. No matter how much we tell ourselves not to take rejection personally, our BRAINS do a number on us. Perhaps zombies are altruistic when they run around eating those dastardly brains that try to sabotage our work.

Let's remember that the literary agents (readers, friends, etc.) who reject our work aren't the enemy. Often, it's just our dumb old brains.

Sharing Our Creative Endeavors

Yesterday, I was at a park enjoying the sunny day and the live music at Animas Riverfest. I ran into a former work colleague I hadn’t seen in three years or more. I faced the same dilemma I face every time someone asks what I’m “doing” now.

“Oh, I’m still a marketing and communications specialist for Goodwill Industries International,” I typically say.

And, then I must decide whether to share that I am also a writer — of fiction. If I do share, then the conversation ALWAYS goes the same way. I kid you not. EVERY SINGLE TIME. First, they ask if I’m published. Second, they ask if I’ve considered self-publishing.

No, I’m not published. Yes, I’ve considered self-publishing. Most aspiring authors do consider self-pubbing but must carefully weigh 1.) their reasons for self-publishing and 2.) how it fits in their overall writing goals.

More and more, I find myself not sharing my writing life. I find it tiring to explain how tough an industry it is -- even if you self-publish (especially if you self-publish). And I don't want to feel defensive about something so important to me.

And did I tell this former colleague I'm a writer? Yes, yes I did. And yes, it played out as I described above. But that's okay.

One of my best friends was up on stage, playing the bass guitar. Like me, she's a communications professional by day. But she had the guts to say, "I want to create music." And she went out and did it. Took bass lessons. Plays in bands. Puts herself out there.

So, like Tracy, I'm putting myself out there. I want to write, no matter the end result. I think I need a cool hat like hers, though.

The Upside and Downside of Rejection: One and the Same

Writer blogs, Twitter, Facebook and other social media have made it easier (and faster) for authors to get their work noticed by other writers, agents and publishing houses. One phenomenon to arise from this instant accessibility is the CONTEST!  Your first 250 words! Your query letter!  Your most suspenseful scene! Your best dialogue!

There are numerous schools of thought about contests. Let's look at two. One lauds contests as a means to land an agent. And success stories abound about how a writer found his/her agent in this way. Critics, though, say that contests (when entered too often) deluge the same agents and publishers with your work…that you appear ‘over-eager’ and ‘desperate.’

Duh. That’s how many writers feel. Excited to get their hard work noticed, desperate to find that one agent who’ll take a chance.

Regardless of how you feel about contests, the downside and upside are one in the same: you get to experience rejection. Lots of it. Some implied (no requests!) and some stated outright through harsh critiques and feedback.

It’s all valuable. We learn to trust our guts on what feedback to take to heart and what feedback to leave behind. We choose to develop a thicker skin and move forward, or we let rejection damage our self- worth and shatter dreams.

Don’t get me wrong -- rejection sucks. REALLY sucks. So find other writers with whom to commiserate and stock up on dark chocolate. (I’m set on both counts.)

Life's Short -- Eat Cheetos

My fingers are stained orange as I type this because I ate crunchy Cheetos for lunch.  You’ll see why later.

None of us knows the exact time and date of our deaths. Mortality statistics give us the impression that we'll live to a ripe old age (76.3 years for males; 81.1 years for females).  Without a firm idea of the time we have left, some of us put off doing things (saying things), believing we have all the time in the world.

That’s why I read obits. These stand out in my memory.

• the vivacious 19-year-old woman who suffered a fatal seizure
• the 45-year-old woman who died after a recurrence of breast cancer 
• the 52-year-old father who had a heart attack while sitting in front of his home computer
• the adventurous 23-year-old who died in an avalanche while snowboarding

I don’t know any of these people personally. But I wonder how they spent their lives. Did the 45-year-old woman always skip dessert thinking the calories weren't worth it? Did the father regret how often he brought work home instead of playing catch with his sons? Did the 19-year-old have a fight with her dad and didn’t have a chance to say she was sorry?

Whether we live 20 years or 100 years, life is short.  And regrets are a bitch.

• Call the estranged relative.
• Take the vacation.
• Write the book.
• Retire at age 55.
• Buy the house (or new chair, or bicycle, or shoes).
• Eat Cheetos for lunch.

The Critique Sandwich: Tough to Swallow?

Most writers partake of (choke on?) some version of the Critique Sandwich (whether they are aware of it or not).  It goes like this:  to avoid completely demoralizing a writer, the critique partner (editor, loved one, etc.) says something positive first, then follows with what needs improving, then ends with something positive.

When we’re lucky, the ‘filling’ on the critique sandwich isn’t so thick as to overwhelm the ‘bread.’

I’ve been an editor for too many years to count. When I was younger, I was often guilty of throwing a whole lot of filling at writers without softening the critique. I thought I was being direct, saving everyone time, getting to the point.

Well, ladies and gentlemen…during those years, I missed the point completely.

People matter. People’s feelings matter. And there are always nuggets of gold buried in what we may think of as the worst essay, book, short story, poem, song or painting. 

The life of a creative is hard enough. We battle our own inner critic and self-doubt daily. Encouragement of any kind can make the difference in someone forging ahead or giving up her creative dreams.

Today, I received the nicest rejection from a literary agent. Just the right amount of bread and filling -- definitely not a Dagwood special. Instead of being utterly disappointed, I’m feeling pretty upbeat.